so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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