remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
