and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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