"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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