so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
