totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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