Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
