Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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