I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
