so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
