Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
