this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
