If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
