2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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