i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize