i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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