Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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