Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
