so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
