dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
