im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
