Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
