He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
