Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
