Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
