put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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