She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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