she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
