I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is wine microwaveable?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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