Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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