Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
