she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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