she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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