I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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