he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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