Princesses don't give blow jobs
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
