When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
