Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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