i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
