C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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