pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
