I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
