So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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