Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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