What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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