You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize