I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Michael Bay diarrhea
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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