just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
