Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
