if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
