there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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