I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
