She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
