So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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