How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
