I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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