I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
