Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
