Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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