Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
