He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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