He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hippo gnu deer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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