i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
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