..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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