I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
