i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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