There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
