yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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