Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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