upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
