Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
