Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
high people should be assigned attendants
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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