somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am one with the molecules
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
