Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
