i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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